I Am An Old Yeller

No, not the dog. But it can sometimes sound that way.

I yell at my kids. Once I get started on a rant, it can be hard to get me to stop. I realize that this is counterproductive and rarely produces the results that I want, but it just keeps happening. I sincerely want to stop. I sometimes cringe when I think of the things I have said. I can say that I am under a lot of stress and I have a lot going on, but in truth, I have no excuse. I want to change, but I have no idea where to start.

The most logical starting point would be why. Why do I get angry? Why do I yell? Basically, they aren’t doing what I feel they should do. When I was young, I had too much freedom. I didn’t have to earn anything. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. Although it seemed to be a lot of fun, it was more than my young mind could handle. I never wanted that for my children. Overall, I have to admit, they are good kids. Not buts. They are good kids. I want so much to keep it that way. I understand that mistake will be made and that is how they will learn, but some mistakes can be avoided.

Example: My boys like to wear hoodies. That is a big No-No. I bet you know why. Yep, Trayvon Martin. No matter what your stance is on this case, you will never know the feeling that comes over me each time I send my children into the world. Before, I just feared for my sons, but now I fear for my daughter too. Renisha McBride opened my eyes to that. By making sure they don’t wear their hoods, I feel as though I keep them safe. I don’t want them to lose their lives over something that could have been avoided.

Example: School. There is no reason for them not to do their best in school. Now, doing your best, doesn’t mean straight As. It means just what I say, your BEST. That will differ from day to day and I accept that. After all, I am writing this post about being a yelling mom. Every day I do my best. I just know I can do better. The old saying, “If you want to hide information from black people, put it in a book” has always hurt me. Why? Because I love to read. It is important that they love to learn.

Lastly, I want to change because I love them. I don’t want them to be afraid to talk to me. I want to be able to transition from a mother/child relationship to a mother/young adult relationship. Yelling won’t help that. I don’t do it to be hurtful or malicious. I just wasn’t taught any other way. I do the best with what I have. I think all parents do. Please pray that God’s will be done in our lives.

Thank you for your support. I look forward to posting my progress.

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2 Responses to “I Am An Old Yeller”

  1. blushandbarbells says:

    I was very touched by this. I’m sure it’s difficult to be a parent, but it’s nice that it’s something that you are working at instead of just saying “because I’m the mother”.
    I’m sure you’ll succeed, just because you have tried.

    • Sophia Sophia says:

      Thank you. I never wanted to be the ‘because I said so’ kind of mom. I want to explain to the children why thing are the way they are. I know the road won’t be easy, but I’m willing to try my hardest.

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